Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
