Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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