whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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