He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
