how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
