Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
