...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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