So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
