The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
