My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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