I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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