just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
