You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
