remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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