I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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