So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
