dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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