It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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