True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We need to rekindle our bromance
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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