How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
