That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
