i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
