shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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