I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
