you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
