and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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