Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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