WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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