bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
