he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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