maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize