I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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