Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
