her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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