I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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