Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
