Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize