What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
