Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
