last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
