Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
