My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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