the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
