Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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