did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
