Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
