Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
