Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
