okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
