i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How external is "for external use only"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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