There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
