There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
