He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
