True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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