ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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