I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
