I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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