i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
